In the courtroom, I was a high-powered attorney who spoke up loudly on behalf of others. I had no trouble raising my voice or being seen in my crisp pantsuit. I knew I was in control. Authority was granted to me by the State, which meant people had to listen to me. I knew I was intelligent. It had won me praise my entire life. In this society, we reward the intellect and treat it like the holy grail.
Everyone saw me as confident, determined, and ambitious. In some ways, they were right. I pursued my goals with passion and conviction. But they didn’t see me beyond the roles I occupied. The truth is, neither did I.
My identity was contingent on the eyes of others. How they viewed me was how I viewed me. Without a role to give me definition, I didn’t know who I was.
How did that translate in personal relationships?
After leaving the legal profession, I landed in a relationship while touring Europe. He was sweet, charming, and a good-looking Frenchman. No longer did I have a job – a home – regular income – or status of any sort. I relied solely on my own existence. There was nothing to “justify” me anymore.
When my new partner began to make subtle accusations or call me names, I soaked them right up (just like I soaked up all the praise I’d received for years). After all, I was so used to taking in the opinions of others and making them my own. I didn’t know how to separate what he thought of me from what I thought of me.
All the power, confidence, and prestige I experienced as an attorney was suddenly gone. That’s because I wasn’t powerful; my position granted me power. The only power I had ever known was external.
No one ever taught me how to source power from within. It hasn’t quite made it into the middle school curriculum.
Maybe you, too, know what it’s like to feel crippled by self-doubt, inner anxiety, and feelings of unworthiness – despite a hotshot, confident exterior?
I constantly asked myself, “Is he right? Am I bad?”
Parts of me were engulfed in shame.
I told myself, “I’m not good enough.” “Something is wrong with me.” “How can I fix myself – make myself better?”
In response to his accusations, I simply hung my head. How could I defend myself when I gave him the power to determine how lovable I was?
It left me silenced. Afraid. Focused on pleasing my partner – making him happy – hoping and waiting for those moments when I was his Queen.
Over time, I grew smaller and smaller. Curled inward on myself, afraid to be me. Afraid he wouldn’t like what he saw underneath the façade of coolness. Afraid of losing his love.
How can we expose ourselves – be seen – and express ourselves – be heard – if we doubt our inherent worthiness?
It’s common now to hear people spouting off phrases like, “Be seen!” “Make yourself visible!” “Expose yourself!”
But we cannot do this until we:
(1) Confront the fears and beliefs that keep us in hiding;
(2) Access our own inner wisdom – by connecting with our body, and
(3) Learn how to see ourselves through our own eyes, not through the eyes of others.
Doing so grants us True Power. It doesn’t need anyone or anything to give us permission. It is not granted by anyone or anything outside of us. It is full, embodied, recognition of who you truly are.
Most of us have no idea how to access this kind of power. I didn’t, despite all the “powerful” positions I occupied. Because it doesn’t live in the head, not does it have anything to do with a position of dominance, hierarchy, or control over others. It comes only from connecting deeply with the source of love that lies at the core of our very own being.
Had I been able to access this power in my relationship, I wouldn’t have internalized his words or put myself beneath him. I would have radiated my light outward – shining its rays effortlessly – capable of choosing what to let in and what to keep out. I made him my authority by giving him the power to define me or determine my worthiness. Oh, how forgetful I was.
Once I began to access the wisdom of my body – and return to my feminine roots – I naturally shielded myself from my partner’s attacks. Eventually, I left because I could no longer bow down to another. I had tasted the sweetness of my own power. The ecstasy of full-bodied freedom began to flow through my every vein.
I want this for you too. I want you to become your own authority. I want you to remember the power of your choice. I want you to embody your divinity.
Take the forbidden fruit. Join me in a revolution to redefine the way we love by Radically Reclaiming your Self. Schedule a free Soul Freedom Breakthrough Session here to see what’s blocking your fullest expression in relationships.
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