The past week, writing has been my main focus as the year comes to completion. My soul begged me to give it the attention it deserves. There are always so many other tasks and projects pulling on my time. Only I could create the concentrated focus I needed by making it a priority. Isn’t it funny how easy it is to prioritize meeting other’s needs over our own?
This spring, I thought my book was complete. I finished editing the last draft the end of April. A nagging feeling kept pulling on me, though. “There’s more,” it said. It wasn’t the right time. I had no desire to look at it again or pick up the pen to make changes.
Over the past eight months, much has shifted in all of our lives. Mine feels it has been tumbled up and down, pulled in all sorts of directions, and left me completely open, spacious, and full of opportunity. There’s so much room to create something new. To move outside the old boxes. To let go of outdated habits that bring a feeling of safety, comfort and familiarity. There is nothing wrong with these things. It’s just that growth often necessitates discomfort. We’ve all been pushed to look at our world differently. With different sight brings different choices.
I love the way in which I’ve been challenged. It has forced me to stop making excuses, playing small, and believing myself to be powerless. I am standing up for myself in new ways. My soul can no longer bow her head and hide. I have felt her rise within me. She fills my rib cage and my chest with immense power. There is no more room for apology. I am who I am.
The inner shifts were exactly what I needed to take a different look at my book. Suddenly, the beginning of this month, it became clear: I need to rewrite my story. It’s not that something was “wrong” with the first version. It, too, was my story. But my vision has changed. I have risen up and out of the story. It no longer is me.
I’m only 1/3 of the way through the re-telling. In many ways, I am simply adding more depth, more vulnerability, more transition. Yet, I know what I’m really doing. I’m seeing how the story shaped my very being to create the powerful woman I am today. Nothing ever stopped me from listening to my soul’s calling, no matter how insane it appeared from the outside. At times, I was consumed with doubt. It blurred my vision, but I kept walking through the fog one step, then another.
It was all perfect. All of it. My soul knew exactly what I needed – when I needed it – to my own chagrin. It wasn’t what I “thought” I wanted. My ego resisted. I’m not here to “be nice” and “follow the rules” though. My soul is way bigger than this physical, 3D world. It needed to kickstart my evolution and didn’t give a damn how messy it looked. So be it. I’m messy. I’m raw. I’m real. And I’m so ecstatically grateful I know I can face anything simply by connecting to the immense power of my heart. So can you.
What is your soul calling you to do? Where are you afraid to take the leap? Why do you hold yourself back? How can you outgrow your old skin? What is needed?
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