I remember the middle school dance like it was yesterday. Me: dancing wildly, clapping my hands, stomping my feet, turning around in wide circles with a huge smile on my face.
Then, suddenly, a young boy came up and interrupted my flow. He snarled, “What do you think you’re doing? You can’t dance.”
It stopped me. Literally. I didn’t dance the rest of the night – or for many years after.
Fast forward to 2017, when I was lying on a bed in the middle of the desert in Magdalena, New Mexico. I traveled back to that moment and asked that little girl, “What did you really want to say to that boy?”
Without a second’s hesitation, she replied, “Let me dance my dance, and I’ll let you dance yours.”
All she wanted was to feel free to dance her own dance. Yet, instead, she bowed her head in shame because someone else didn’t “approve.” This seeming “battle” between inward desires and outward expectations created an internal disconnect that lasted for many years to come.
In the quest to fully reunite with my own true essence, for years I’ve been asking myself the question, “What is me versus what is expected – demanded – or desired of me by others?”
In other words, how do I separate myself from the external belief systems that limit my soul’s true expression?
To find the answer, I go into the spaciousness of the cavern of my body to feel its hidden desires, deep needs, and unexpressed feelings. Then, I acknowledge all these parts of myself. Explore them. The hardest part has been accepting the parts that seem too painful or scary to face.
Yet, my power lies in the ability to look at those parts (like rage, torrential grief, or feelings of jealousy) square in the eye. See their teaching. Embrace their lesson. Include them as part of me and not against me. They’re there for a reason. That way, no part of me is left behind, which means I make decisions that are fully aligned. I take clients through a process of aligning their wombs, hearts, and minds because when we act out of alignment, we disconnect from ourselves.
Only by accepting and exploring all the parts of ourselves can we truly find wholeness. Recently, I sat in the living room while exploring my past tendencies in relationships. An event helped me see a recurring pattern I know I’m not alone in experiencing: Wanting to be wanted.
In the past, I stayed in unhealthy relationship patterns because I deceived myself about the reality of who they were – in part because I wanted to maintain our connection. I wanted to feel their desire. I wanted to feel loved. Inwardly, I was consumed by a deep inner yearning to be seen and recognized for who I am. For the value I bring. For all I offer.
Yet, underneath this longing to be loved was a deeper truth that kept me looking outside of myself:
It was a belief that I needed the love of another to know myself as lovable. I depended on their opinion of me to know myself as worthy.
I was willing to step outside of myself – to separate from myself – in hopes of finding external union.
Clearly, I did so because I didn’t know any better. I didn’t yet know my worthiness could never be determined by anyone outside of me. It is something to be claimed by me.
Our worthiness is something to be CLAIMED.
I own my own worthiness as an immense, divine being in this fragile, but miraculous, human form. No external union can substitute for this internal union. Of all my parts. Of my body and soul. Of my humanity and divinity.
Navigating the return to wholeness – which is a reclamation of power – is a journey. When we reclaim our power, we begin to know freedom within and in our relationships. If this calls to you, join me on Saturday, November 20, for a free masterclass: How to Radiate You in Relationships. Learn more and register for free here.
In the meantime, sign up below to receive a free gift: Is it True Love? 5 Powerful Questions to Ask Yourself. The questions and short video series will help you navigate the difference between True Love & the False Forms of love we have been conditioned to accept.