I think it’s interesting how feelings are considered the realm of women only. Men aren’t “supposed” to feel because feelings are deemed “weak” or “unimportant.” They’re said to stand in the way of rational thinking, rather than a complement. So many women — myself included — adopt this viewpoint and give feelings an inferior status.
While an attorney, I didn’t dare show emotion in the courtroom. It was the quickest way to lose the authority I’d worked so hard to obtain. In my mind, no one would listen to me if I expressed care or compassion. Tears would have sent me out the door. Instead, I maintained my bulldog in a skirt nickname by being tough, speaking loudly and firmly, without a single quiver of emotion.
Well, I take that back. One emotion was allowed: Anger. Anger was tough. Safe. Strong.
It became my go-to feeling whenever I felt hurt or outraged by what I saw. The tears underneath the anger had to stay hidden.
Look at where this “I’m tough” mentality has gotten us in the world. Separation pervades almost every sector. It’s easy to push people away in anger. Doing so “protects us” and keeps us “safe” from the “bad guys.” My belief system as an attorney was “us versus them.” Anger fed the polarization.
I’m still unraveling myself from the ways in which I used defensiveness, anger and separation as a way to avoid feeling the pain underneath. Pain is supposed to be avoided at all costs, right? Wrong. Pain is a gateway. It’s incredibly difficult to allow ourselves to go there, but it always reunites us with our soul’s truth — if we let it. If we ride the course. If we are curious.
It’s not weak to feel, unless we want to live a life that excludes the heart. Or that excludes love. Because it’s that simple. The heart feels. When our heart is open, we are going to feel pain. We are going to feel loss. We are going to feel sadness. And we are going to feel joy. We are going to feel connection. We are going to feel union. Union with ourselves. Union with others. Union with the world around us.
This “me or you” mentality pervading the world right now would stop. The heart does not put one above the other. It knows only equality. The heart sees both. There is no fear. No “You don’t matter because.” No “I’m better than you.”
Don’t worry. The heart has its boundaries. The difference is that boundaries aren’t barriers. They don’t prohibit love, they come from love. The love that says, “You are trying to control me, and I am sovereign.” The love that recognizes someone else’s desire to dominate, lie, or hurt is a direct result of their own blindness to the love inside them.
The heart doesn’t condemn, but it still has its fierce “no.” To know this kind of love is a radical act in today’s world. Let’s all get a little radical and start a revolution of the heart. Care to join me? If so, sign up below. Let’s do this together.
P.S. You will also receive a free mini-workshop to unleash your heart’s truth sent directly to your inbox.