When we’re not sure whether we want to be in relationship with someone or not, it signals a time to deeply listen. If we are thinking about changing jobs, or moving to a new city, it requires us to focus on our true desires. It’s especially necessary when we feel conflicted or confused about the “right” or “best” thing to do. “Should I or shouldn’t I?”
I urge you to take time with these deep questions to know what your soul truly wants. Giving yourself plenty of space prevents you from acting from a place of familiarity or comfort. Often, we take the safe or easy route because it is known. Give yourself permission to keep the question open and let it rise, rather than trying to “figure it out” mentally.
For me, it is a three-part process:
(1) I have to discover and know my own desire. In a silent space, I direct my attention into my body, all the way to down to my belly and womb. I ask the question, “Show me what you want.” “How do you feel?” “What is most true for you?” I listen. I wait. I don’t try to know.
(2) My mind often needs to process what it wants as well. It helps me to journal through my desires, and the feelings that arise. What are the fears that come up? What is my resistance telling me? I notice each fear and look it straight in the eye.
(3) I bring the fears and concerns and resistance to my body again. This time, I usually take it directly to my heart. The question is, “Is this my truth?” “Do I feel spacious and expansive with this thought or feeling?” If my body contracts, I know fear is likely at the root.
Eventually, by using both body and mind, the debris of concern and old patterns begins to clear away. By facing them, and acknowledging the desire to please another, or meet an expectation, or satisfy someone else’s needs, I can be real and transparent with myself.
Discovering what I want — rather than what I am told to want — requires deep commitment to myself.
Big change is not usually easy. It deserves a lot of compassion for all the feelings, as disparate as they may be. Before I make a major decision, especially as it relates to relationships, I allow time to prepare myself emotionally so when I do take the first step, I have my own back the whole way.
When in doubt, I come back to my firm knowing that it is necessary for me to act on my own behalf. There is no need to sacrifice myself to please another. Because here’s the thing:
We all deserve to take care of ourselves.
We all deserve to meet our own needs.
We all deserve to life the life we want.
As we know this, it becomes easier to release the weight of responsibility that comes from believing we must take care of everybody else (often at our own expense). You are not responsible for how people respond to your truth. You are only responsible for being true to you.
It’s not what we’re taught — which is to serve others first. That is rooted in a belief system that disregards the soul. It tells us to place all our desires and questions and needs “up there” or to somebody else and neglect our own power. Your power resides within you. The voice of your soul is always willing to talk to you. It is waiting for you to listen.
P.S. If you’d like guided support to Unleash Your Truth, enter your email address below. A free 50-minute workshop will be sent to you immediately to anchor into your body, expand your heart, and open your throat.