This is the last in a series of blogs in which I explore the process I went through before leaving the legal profession as an attorney and jumping on a plane to Europe for an adventure that led me deep into my own subconscious.
My decision to say yes to the voice that cried from within was all it took to commence the initiation that followed. The next seven years wound me down a path I never would have expected. At the time, I wanted nothing but freedom. Little did I know how much work it would take to truly set myself free.
First, I had to rid myself of possessions. Not because they were bad. It was my relationship to those things that needed to be severed. I had come to know myself through my home, my car and my belongings. My identity was wrapped up in my sense of place or belonging.
When I hopped on the plane to Paris two months later, I had only a small grey suitcase and a black purse strapped over my shoulder. Initially, I felt unencumbered, filled with excitement for the adventure that lay ahead. It wasn’t until several weeks later that it began to dawn on me: I have nothing to return to. Absolutely nothing.
Before leaving, I closed my holistic law practice and resigned as an attorney. Every client case was transferred to someone else or closed out for good. Even if I could return, I didn’t want to go back. Nothing about the legal system appealed to me anymore.
I found myself alone in a foreign country, unable to speak the language, with nothing to grasp. It was as if I was floating in mid-air, undefined and unformed by anything. For my ego, it was scary as hell.
Everyone thought I was crazy, of course. Maybe I was. Luckily, there were a few who supported me despite their own lack of understanding. We don’t need to understand another to give them space to be true to themselves. Others were too wrapped up in societal expectations to see through their own conditioning.
It didn’t matter. I had to go.
We’re often given a choice: Do we honor ourselves, or do we succumb to the desires of another? My soul wasn’t concerned with appearances or cultural normalities. It exists outside the bounds of linear time and space. Destiny awaited me. I knew what I had to do, even if the “why” didn’t make sense until years later.
When I chose to step off the straight path to success I’d been on, it opened the door to mystery and magic. It was time to move beyond the realm of the ordinary to the extraordinary.
We are culturally conditioned to find our meaning and purpose through achievement and approval of others. This conditioning continued to reveal itself along my journey. I was so accustomed to receiving validation and worth from those outside of me. Situation after situation continued to highlight how blind it made me.
The plane took me across the Atlantic Ocean to Paris, the city of pleasure. It was time to drop down and into my body. To bask in the present moment. To trust my natural impulses. The only plan I made before arrival was a one-week stay in the city. Everything else would reveal itself in time. The point was to move intuitively from place to place, letting my soul guide me. I feared the deep loneliness I felt. I feared making a wrong decision. I feared not knowing what to do next.
The answer always arrived just as I needed it. I would know what I needed to know when I needed to know it. No sooner. To say that I learned to trust myself feels like an understatement.
I trusted in more than myself. I trusted in the void I inhabited. I trusted in the deepest, darkest places.
Despite my love of structure, all of the shoulds, expectations and rules continued to fall away. If my body wanted to sleep, I allowed it. If I heard the rumble of hunger, I ate. No one was there to tell me what to do. There were no schedules but my own.
It was humbling, to say the least, to feel unable to speak on my own behalf. I fumbled with change and hoped I gave the right amount every time I purchased fresh figs on the street corner. It had been customary to rely on words to communicate. As a writer, I identified with them. Yet, they were replaced by smiles, eyes and hand gestures.
When everything you have ever known disappears, you begin to know your Self. The part of you that exists beyond form, beyond structure, beyond comprehension.
Every time I thought I understood another layer of self, it, too, disappeared. The entire initiatory journey was a process of unraveling. Unraveling the beliefs, unraveling the conditioning, unraveling the stories that had bound me to a limited version of myself.
It left me completely naked and exposed to the radiant truth of my own being.
Now, I am filled with excitement to help others discover their own truth. May it be so.
I am beyond thrilled to announce my first upcoming online course in October called Reclaim Your Body as Holy. Details to come! Sign up for emails below to get updates and receive a free video on the Three Fundamentals of Sovereignty.
Join me on Thursday, September 17th at 1:30 p.m. on FB Live for a free talk on Why Examining Our Belief Structure is Essential to Removing the Threads of Bondage. In the meantime, share your thoughts and personal experiences below. Much love to you on your journey!
© Jessica Falcon 2020.